How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Self-Care
When was the last time you did something just for yourself without feeling guilty about it?
Maybe you wanted to book a facial, get your nails done, have a massage, go for a walk, sit quietly with a coffee, read a book, take a bath, or simply do absolutely nothing.
And then that little voice showed up:
“I don't have time.”
“I should be doing something for my family.”
“I shouldn't spend money on myself.”
“There are more important things I need to take care of.”
If this sounds familiar, I want you to look at self-care differently.
Because taking care of yourself is not selfish.
In fact, sometimes not taking care of yourself is what creates the biggest problem.
Ask Yourself This One Question
When a client tells me they feel guilty spending time or money on themselves, I ask them:
“How would you feel if your mom, your daughter, your partner, or someone you love told you exactly the same thing?”
Imagine someone you love saying:
“I don't deserve time for myself.”
“I feel guilty spending money on myself.”
“I have to take care of everyone else first.”
“I don't have time to rest.”
Would you tell them they are selfish?
Of course not.
You would probably tell them:
“You deserve to take care of yourself too.”
So why do we have such a different standard for ourselves?
Your Self-Care Is Not Taking Something Away From Your Family
This is something I want people to really think about.
When you constantly blame your responsibilities, your family, your children, your partner, your work or other people for why you cannot take care of yourself, you may unintentionally create another problem.
The people you love can eventually feel like they are the reason you cannot take care of yourself.
That isn't what you want.
You don't want the people you love to grow up thinking:
“Because of me, Mom never takes care of herself.”
You don't want your partner thinking:
“They can't enjoy their life because they have to take care of everyone.”
And you don't want to teach the people around you that loving others means completely forgetting yourself.
Self-care is not about choosing yourself instead of the people you love.
It is about choosing yourself along with the people you love.
What Happens When You Always Put Everyone Else First?
There is a difference between being generous and completely neglecting yourself.
When you continually put everyone else first, you may eventually feel exhausted, overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
You have less energy.
You become less patient.
You may lose confidence.
You may stop doing the things that once made you happy.
And eventually, you may have very little left to give to anyone.
Burnout is a real concern when stress is not successfully managed. The World Health Organization describes occupational burnout as involving energy depletion or exhaustion, mental distance or negativity toward work, and reduced professional effectiveness.
The irony is that the person who believes they are sacrificing themselves for everyone else may eventually become the person who has the least energy to support everyone else.
The Person Who Takes Care of Herself Shows Up Differently
Think about someone who regularly makes time for herself.
She might exercise.
She might read.
She might take a bath.
She might have coffee alone.
She might book a massage.
She might spend an hour getting her hair done.
She might take a weekend away.
Or she might simply close the door, put her phone down and do nothing.
The activity isn't the important part.
The intention is.
She is telling herself:
“I matter too.”
And when you feel cared for, rested and connected with yourself, you often show up differently for the people around you.
More confident.
More positive.
More patient.
More present.
More ready to support others.
That is not selfish.
That is healthy.
We All Have the Same 24 Hours
One of the things I tell my clients is simple:
Everyone on this earth has the same 24 hours in a day.
You cannot create more time.
But you can manage the time you already have.
We often say, “I don't have time.”
But sometimes the real question is:
“What am I making time for?”
If you can find time to answer messages, scroll social media, work, clean the house, organize everyone else's schedules and take care of everyone else's needs, you can also intentionally reserve some time for yourself.
It doesn't have to be two hours.
It doesn't have to cost money.
It doesn't have to look like a spa day.
Start with one hour.
Or 30 minutes.
Go for a walk.
Read.
Take a bath.
Sleep.
Listen to music.
Sit outside.
Have a coffee.
Go to the gym.
Watch your favourite show.
Or do absolutely nothing.
Doing nothing can be self-care too.
The World Health Organization recognizes self-care as part of maintaining health and well-being and includes everyday habits such as physical activity, healthy eating, sleep and connecting with others.
Self-Care Doesn't Always Mean Doing It Yourself
There is another part of self-care that I think we sometimes forget.
You don't always have to do everything yourself.
Sometimes self-care means allowing someone else to take care of you.
Book a facial and let someone care for your skin.
Book a massage and let your body relax.
Get your hair done and enjoy being taken care of for a couple of hours.
Have your nails done.
Go to a restaurant and let someone else prepare and serve your meal.
Stay at a hotel and let someone else make the bed.
You are allowed to receive.
You are allowed to be served.
You are allowed to relax.
And you don't have to apologize for it.
Self-Care Should Become Part of Your Lifestyle
I don't believe self-care should only happen when you're completely exhausted.
It shouldn't be something you earn after finishing everything on your to-do list.
Because let's be honest.
Your to-do list will never be completely finished.
There will always be another email.
Another load of laundry.
Another appointment.
Another responsibility.
Another person who needs you.
If you wait until everything is done before taking care of yourself, you may wait forever.
Self-care needs to become part of your lifestyle.
Just like eating.
Just like drinking water.
Just like sleeping.
It should become something you understand as part of maintaining yourself, not a luxury you occasionally allow yourself to have.
Stop Apologizing for Taking Care of Yourself
The next time you book an appointment for yourself, don't say:
“I'm sorry I'm spending money on myself.”
Don't say:
“I know I shouldn't be doing this, but...”
Don't feel the need to justify it.
You are allowed to take care of yourself.
You are allowed to enjoy your life.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to feel beautiful.
You are allowed to have someone take care of you.
And you are allowed to make yourself a priority without loving your family any less.
The people you love don't need a completely exhausted version of you.
They need you.
Healthy.
Present.
Confident.
Happy.
And with enough energy left to enjoy life with them.
So maybe the next time you feel guilty about taking an hour for yourself, ask yourself the question I ask my clients:
“If someone I love said exactly what I'm saying right now, what would I tell them?”
Then give yourself the same kindness.
Because self-care isn't selfish.
Taking care of yourself is one of the ways you learn to take care of the people you love without losing yourself along the way.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is self-care selfish?
No. Self-care is part of maintaining your health and well-being. It can include simple everyday activities such as sleep, movement, healthy habits, connection and time for yourself.
How do I stop feeling guilty when I spend money on myself?
Start by changing the way you think about the purchase. Ask yourself whether you would consider it selfish if someone you love made the same investment in themselves. Self-care does not always need to be expensive, but investing in experiences that help you rest, recharge and feel cared for can be meaningful.
What if I don't have time for self-care?
You don't need an entire day. Start with 15 minutes, 30 minutes or one hour. Look at your schedule and intentionally protect a small amount of time for yourself.
What counts as self-care?
Self-care can be anything that genuinely supports your well-being. Walking, reading, sleeping, taking a bath, exercising, spending quiet time alone, enjoying a meal, getting a massage or booking a salon or spa appointment can all be part of a broader self-care routine.
How often should I practice self-care?
Think about self-care as a lifestyle rather than something you do only when you are exhausted. Small, consistent habits can be more realistic and sustainable than waiting for the perfect day to take care of yourself.
Why is professional self-care important?
Sometimes self-care means allowing someone else to care for you. A salon or spa appointment can give you dedicated time to step away from your responsibilities, relax and receive care instead of always being the person providing it.